apocalyspe lover
- The Miasma Set: Poem #3 -
hey jupiter, the crocodile’s on the sandbank
sunbathing, and the sky is bending concave
to my fingers, how’d ya feel about that-
how’d ya feel about that.
I saw you that day from the minaret
with your shield vert and stag-helmet,
you waved your gauntlet, and I smiled:
la dahlia en blanca, with bruises under
my nails.
turrets revealed all those courtesans in
fealty-corsets stealing knife-points
and needle port havens from
under us in silence,
in secret, how’d ya feel about that,
how’d ya feel about that.
and we as one in our little dance,
black as the liquorish sky abaft of the sun,
betwixt orion and the trojan horse,
sin and death, and explosion of color:
a mirage, una ilusión madura contra
la verdad.
hey jupiter, let me be your dulcinea
and pirouette around seven of your
circular aphonic moons: para deslumbra.
para ezperanza.
like the non-existent crane legs,
let’s tilt that windmill, apocalypse lover,
let’s tilt that windmill.
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140,870 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
Very well written. I love how you put spanish into it, though it was kind of weird to add it in the middle like you did. I like the title as well and believe it went perfect with it. The only thing i see that would throw a reader off is if the reader doesn't understand spanish. If they don't understand it, wouldn't they immediately lose interest? Good job.
I enjoy this tactic, and I believe it was applied well. But I think the syntax and word choice were slightly off. You could make it more "catchy", CL, darling.
Wonderful ending. In fact, I fully enjoyed the abstract notion and the mood of the poem, the references to Middle Age Court and Greek Astrology especially facinate me. But I feel that in the middle, the mix of languages became a bit too..let's say, out there. Except for the dahila thing. Leave that forever.
Keep up with media and historian references, and this poem can expand it's horizons.